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rhinosarahs:

Career goal: Puppy Bowl referee.
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thechandelurequeen:

"America’s native language is English!"

I have some rather shocking news for you friend

theslap:

thebionicdoll:

when your friend finds you after a tv show marathon

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omg i laughed so hard at this….

sirtarantino:

a guy walked into the board room and said

"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"

and i just stared at him and coldly said

"i am the regional reports manager"

we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life