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"Happiness is a consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."
-Elizabeth Gilbert (via jellysjourney)
Motherhood… Elusive?

The one thing I have always wanted to be is a mom. When they would ask my classes growing up what they wanted to be the other kids would have answers like, “Astronaut. Ballerina. Firefighter!” I, on the other hand, though always said with no hesitation, “A Mom.” 

My doctor thinks that I have PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome).
They referred me to a specialist but I haven’t had time to go. Tomorrow I am going to make sure I set up an appointment to go see the reproductive endocrinologist, even though I am terrified to hear what they might tell me. Poly-cystic ovarian syndrome makes it difficult to get pregnant because you don’t ovulate normally or at all. The treatment for PCOS is just birth control. There is no cure. 

I am only NINETEEN years old. 

Kids should be on the distant horizon, not even on the edges of the radar…

At 19 years old, I did not want to have to worry about being able to have children when I am finally ready… But I want my grandparents to be able to meet my children and watch them grow out of diapers at least.

I don’t want to have kids until after I am married. So now, I have to think about being ready and stable to start my “adult” life a lot sooner than I wanted because I can’t wait until I am in my thirties to try for kids because it’s already going to be a struggle to conceive now, let alone ten years from now. 

I struggle daily with this feeling of failure and disappointment in my own body. Tyler, my boyfriend and hopefully one day husband/father of my children, has no idea of the extent of how I feel about this situation. He tells me to not worry. 

I feel like I will be letting him down if we struggle to have kids later on. 

Do you guys know anything about PCOS? Do you know any women with PCOS with children? Anything at all will help me. 

"That was one of the saddest things about people—their most important thoughts and feelings often went unspoken and barely understood."
-Alexandra Adornetto (via wordsthat-speak)



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